| this is to pushing on the splintered walls of the world, trying to break free
this is to 4am phone calls and tears that cant be wiped away by tissues.
this is to red wine and cigarettes on the bathroom floor
this is to valued phone numbers that got lost in the washer,torn into a million little pieces.
this is to sneaking out the window of your room,careful not to hit the area around the floodlight.
this is for two star hotels and nervous skin brushing together.
this is for unwanted help, and most needed attention.
this is to the girls who put up away messages in hopes he'll understand, when really, he doesn't.
this is to the victims and the victimizers; to the people that couldnt help it when they bled.
this is to those who have had their hearts ripped from their sleeves.
this is to those who havent been honored yet; to those who deserve it.
this is to believing every lie.
this is to being sick to your stomach just thinking about him loving someone else.
this is to the heartbreakers, the heartbroken.
this is to those who live
this is to all the what ifs and to the wishes that never came true
this is to all the words you never said and to the ones we choke on
this is to realizing that it wasn't your fault, and that they're never coming back.
this is to those who never got to say goodbye after saying something harsh before they left.
this is to those who feel better aching than empty.
this is to what didn't happen.
this is to the tomorows that are just another day to get through.
this is to realizing that you are your own worst enemy.
this is to those who are dying to be alive
this is to knowing a relationship may or may not work out, but taking the leap anyway.
this is to those who stick their finger down their throat, in hopes of being accepted.
this is to every tear wasted on people who never cared.
this is to sitting and waiting for your phone to ring.
this is to being ignored{ this is to him, knowing hes ignoring you }
this is to the boy who never gets the girl.
this is to those movies and magazines, the ones that make girls stop eating,stop breathing, stop caring.
this is to wanting to speak the most honest words you've spoken in your life, not knowing if they bring you closer to living, or dying.
this is for all of us who cry with dry eyes.
this is to not knowing.
this is to those who'll never get it...
those who wonder where love starts.
this is to loving him, but having to say no to him.
this is to having him in your arms again, but knowing it wont last
this is to knowing the truth deep down inside.
this is to drunken nights that you'll never remember.
this is to the nights you couldnt sleep.
this is to the days you stay at home because your heart is too weak to take in laughter.
this is to the morning wake up calls he used to give you,and the " sweet dreams" text messages before you fell asleep.
this is to piggy back rides shopping cart races with friends.
this is to letting go just as he starts to hold on.
this is to those who overanalyze, to those who think the world is out to get them.
this is to the people who constantly want to bring you down because you were succesful and they couldn't even come close.
this is to all the times you knew what he was doing and you ignored it anyway
this is to bruises on your elbows from the concert you wished would never end.
this is to the people who don't have time to read this, to those it has touched.
** some recent events have got me to thinking.... so really this is to life. the ups and downs ...and the friends who never listen to you, even though deep down inside they know you are right. to the friends who constantly make sure you're ok because they care about you . this is to knowing the truth but excusing the rotten behavior. this is to inside jokes and late nights...
this is to trying to convince yourself that everybody else is wrong, somewhere, somehow, there was a misunderstanding and you know him best.
this is for the day when you finally realize, you can do better
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| Recent events have helped me realize that my own emotions TERRIFY me. I used to be amazing at expressing myself, and telling people how i feel and how much they mean to me. I used to be really good at telling somebody , when they've pissed me off, or done something to make me insanely happy. now, i run from conflict. i avoid it at all costs. I have been with my boyfriend for a month and I haven't felt this way about somebody for a really long time. We almost broke up monday, and it honestly felt like my heart had been ripped out through my stomach. i drove to his house at 3 am to talk and work things out. ( long story short his "ex" and him have been communicating, and hes been telling her every day that he is in love with her, and wants to be with her. she is in New York. They have never met. Him and I are both in Colorado, he has seen me every day for the past month. It should really be a no brainer ) well, now we are working things out. for the first time, i considered calling into work sick the next day. i never call in sick. I am falling head over heels madly in love with him. if i lose him, it will absolutely kill me. he is my best friend. i know that this other girl will do nothing but cause him pain. if he severs ties with her, i can see a bright future with us. if you really knew me, you would know that i dont fall very easily. this is huge. |
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